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Wicktonville Wailer

The Wicktonville Wailer has been the Township's primary printed news service for over 50 years.

The current, online version of the weekly newspaper is below. This is updated each Monday by the staff of the Wailer.

Week of Monday, October 23, 2006 Wicktonville Wailer Volume 51, Issue 43
Local News

Dull Weekend Bores Local Teen

WICKTONVILLE — Heidi Lucas, 15, just wants something awesome to do. Anything. And anything is exactly what she can't seem to find in the boring hick town of Wicktonville, Lucas says.

"My options for entertainment are watching a second run film at the movies, seeing the second shift of cracker workers running the stop sign at CR-8, or spilling hot coffee on people 'by accident' at StarBears. This blows," Lucas tells us.

Local police are vigorously investigating the stop sign violations at County Road 8 at Industrial Drive, near Wicktonville Wafers. To date, four second shift workers have been cited for stop sign violations. As Lucas made no mention of shifts one and three, police are not focusing on those time periods.

Two-car Accident Leaves Area Without Power

FIELDBURG — A two-car accident resulted in a power outage in southwestern Fieldburg between 2-4pm Friday.

Spokespersons for the County Power Co-Op told the Wailer that while the accident did not affect the Co-Op's equipment, power poles or services, they were concerned that a detour down Pocatello Avenue would result in higher-than-usual usage of the traffic light's red bulbs at the intersection of Pocatello and Blackfoot Street.

"Most people don't realize that red lights typically use up to twice the amount of power of the other colors. The Pocatello-Blackfoot signals are simply not able to handle having red lights on any longer than the traffic flow plans dictate," Co-Op Spokesperson Shelly Gordon told us.

The Co-Op instead determined shutting down the power in the area to preserve the life of the red light bulbs was necessary, as the signal lacks an independent on/off switch.

Lawn Gnome Disappearances Tied to Liberation Movement

NEW BEDPORT — The rash of recent lawn gnome disappearances has been linked by local investigators to the radical Garden Gnome Liberation Front (GGLF). This group takes a terrorist-like approach to the issue of garden gnome slavery, enraging local home and business owners alike.

The web site for Free the Gnomes (web site) are quick to point out they are not related to GGLF, though they do support the same mission -- but Free the Gnomes prefers a peaceful, political solution to gnome slavery.

Lintswitch County Supervisors have been delaying accepting a petition demanding they enact a county ordinance declaring the county a free county for garden gnomes.

Residents along Mason-Dixon Lane are already united in their belief garden gnomes should control their own destiny. Of the few gnomes along Mason-Dixon Lane, all are free gnomes with full rights to property ownership and pay that is consistent with other county residents.

National News (courtesy Reuters)

Wicktonville Matters

2006 General Election Information

WICKTONVILLE — The 2006 General Elections in Lintswitch County will be on Tuesday, November 7, 2006. There are no ballot measures affecting Wicktonville Township during this election, as the Mayor's race is uncontested.

Lintswitch County has a few ballot measures posted for your consideration:

  • Two County Commissioner seats
  • Measure Q: 2007-08 Water Bond
  • Measure R: Approve Traffic Study
  • Measure S: Mobile Phone Use While Driving

Absentee ballots were mailed by the County Elections Commissioner on Thursday, October 19, and must be returned by Monday, November 6 to ensure they are counted with the election results.

Classified Ads

Note: Wicktonville Wailer does not approve or endorse any listed service, seller or buyer. Ads are reviewed only to ensure listings do not violate legal guidelines (i.e. Fair Housing laws) or local, state, or federal laws.

  • Kitten free to good home. Good with kids, but constantly nibbling at my Beanie Babies collection. 612-8852
  • Barn-raising party at the Lucas farm. Refreshments will be provided, and the family's teenage daughter will be bitterly whining as she tends to do.
  • GARAGE SALE, 10/28: Wide assortment of childrens toys, clothing and books. Kids aren't pickup their stuff, their soon-to-be loss may be your gain.
  • Earn $5000/mo part-time from your home. Call Jodie for details, 612-7418.

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